On initiative

I have a good boss. He's very, very different from some of my previous bosses; actually he reminds me of my dad to some extent.

Things get slow with the media sometimes, so when our department is designated random jobs, usually I'm the one who takes them on. There are many new things I've never done before, and sometimes they freak me out because I know I'm young and clueless. I don't get a lot of trial runs; the things I produce are often used with few revisions. I wrote a brochure, and thousands have already been printed and distributed. I created a presentation for the Advance Preparation team to use in soliciting sponsorships which may yield thousands of dollars.

Seriously, half the time I don't have a clue what I am doing! But my boss goes by the “learn by doing” philosophy; he told me that if I go to another person to get all my ideas, then I may as well just let them do the project themselves. It's definitely a challenge for me to step up and take a lot of initiative, but actually its been great and I am learning so much.

I'm learning the value of that philosophy as it applies to work and to life. So much of my life these days requires me to just do my best – make a choice, and see what happens. Sometimes it's the wrong choice, and sometimes it's the right choice; either way, it is a learning opportunity. I don't always have the luxury of understanding all the details related to my choices, but that doesn't relieve me of the responsibility of making a decision.

But it's hard. It's hard when your foolishness bursts in your face. It's hard when people let you down. It's hard when your world gets shaken up, and you can't tell one direction from the other. It's hard when the good in your heart is practically indistinguishable from the bad. And I know that the Bible offers the best direction, but sometimes it's just confusing, and I just don't know.

Sometimes, all I want is just for somebody to come and tell me what to do.