Peter

Why did Peter deny?

I always thought that he was afraid of the consequences, afraid of the crowds. It was the middle of the night, and people were angry. But maybe it was more than that.

Maybe he was afraid he was wrong. Maybe somewhere, deep inside, he had a tiny seed of doubt that exploded to life. His environment changed; the climate changed; the popular opinion changed; the direction of the battle changed. And suddenly he wasn't sure any more.

He had insisted – oh, he had been so confident! I will never deny you!!! Who, me?? After everything we've been through? How can you even suggest that?

Oh Peter – so confident, so proud. How could he have anticipated this? Suddenly, in the middle of a black night, soldiers in the dark. Glints of sharpened metal catching the torch light; men wielding their power like heavy swords. And Jesus – everything Peter believed in, everything he knew – walked away from him.

He followed – creeping behind in the shadows. What is going to happen now?? Recently I've gotten used to being surprised – but in the past, everything ended so well. But this – this looks very different.

Maybe – maybe in the past things went too well. Is it possible that it was all too good to be true?

And then, the worst thought of all: Is it possible – that I was wrong? What if it was all an illusion – all a lie! I've made so many mistakes already – maybe I somehow managed to make the worst mistake of all! God's so-called institution is prosecuting God's so-called son – how can I be sure which is real?

Gone the memories of miracles; gone the deep faith; forgotten the divine love, received by one who never deserved it and freely returned by a heart once-grateful. But in the moment of paralyzing doubt, every fortifying truth is cloaked in fear.

And then, it that moment of weakness, a challenge – an accusation!

You. You were there! You know that man – you were with him!

That person humiliated up there, wretched and condemned – that person the world hates! You are associated with him! You followed him! (You followed him???? What a failure! I bet now you understand! You committed yourself to a failure . . . but it's not too late to change your mind! Be sensible – try to pick up the pieces!)
 

Oh Peter! Stand firm! Remember – remember the things you know! Remember how Jesus has proved himself to you so many times! The night is dark, but it won't last forever – don't give up! You swore not to leave – don't forget so quickly! He told you this would happen and prepared you for it – the things you see should reinforce your trust in him, not destroy it! You've seen impossible situations end well so many times in the past – and are you so ready to doubt that it could happen again? Are you so ready to act in favor of your fear, rather than remembering your commitment to your Lord?

Do you remember that time in the boat? Do you remember that time with the crowd of hungry villagers? Do you remember the dead girl and her weeping family? Do you remember how he singled you out and chose you? Do you remember how he loved you – and how he changed your life? 

Peter . . . it's not too late. It's not hopeless. Don't back down; don't run or hide. Don't forget. Don't give up.